Ho Ho Ho Merry Xmas and all that Jazz. Scuba’s a bit confused about all this festive palava as it’s celebrated for different reasons in her family. It has something to do with the birthday of some great uncle on her mum’s side but she’s a tad unclear on the finer details.
However what she likes is a party and any excuse for a good old shindig is fine by her. So the crafty Commish has got together with her mates and yours – BinchenChaos, Gagagolightly, MissyVee and Jenpab to plan a festive festival of frivolity for all you rioters that are fortunate enough to own one of them new fandangled PS4 games consoles.
Now as you know Pussi Riot are a close knit family, but apart from the Vercettis they are not a family in the traditional sense. The Riot are more a family by Sicilian definition – they are a crew, a mob, a business! Like all businesses at this time of year Pussi Riot like to hold a staff party. Staff parties, as some of you know can be turbulent affairs with gallons of alcohol getting consumed, secretaries copping off with line managers and regretting it the next morning, everyone taking turns at hopping on top of the photocopier to Xerox their arse, and finally everyone staggering home with traffic cones on their heads or winding up in the police cells. Scuba intends that this party be no different and has arranged for the crew to go on a state wide pub crawl.
The Plan is this: -
Kicking off at 8:30 invites will be sent out to all crew members to join the party private lobby which is quite exciting as it means for the very first time, there can be up to 30 crew members playing with each other in the same session. The party will start at Scuba’s pad where she will invite people in for a few drinkies while she gets dressed and pampers herself a bit. Scuba has hired a bus to escort 15 members from central Los Santos to the pub in Sandy Shores so everyone can get a few pints in and take some embarrassing photos. Historically some clever-arse always thinks its funny to blow up the bus en-route. However on this special occasion the Party Planning Committee request that you please don’t do this as the mechanic has been given the night off and it will mean a very long walk to the pub for everyone which will seriously cut into drinking time.
Once everyone is suitably tipsy enough MissyVee and BinchenChaos will launch the first playlist simultaneously which will be the TDM playlist which has been specially put together by Gagagolightly. This playlist will take about 30 minutes to complete and once its completed you should return to the same lobby. If you experience any problems don’t worry as you will be invited back in.
We will have an impromptu race to the nearest Ponsonbys to get changed changed into some choice swimwear before moving on to the Richman Mansion (Playboy Mansion) for a group photoshoot with the bunnies in the grotto. Hopefully it will be dark by the time we get there as that’s when most of the nightlife comes out to play. If it isn’t then take the opportunity to stock up on Pisswasser and cigarettes as the bar staff at the mansion have been known to refuse to serve us on the grounds that we keep senselessly killing the topless chickas. On that point please refrain from mass murder until we have at least got some decent photos for our Snapmatic Family Album.
We will then move on to the second playlist which will be the Race playlist, which this month has been painstakingly put together by Pussi Riot racing legend – Jenpab.
This should take us on quite nicely to…
Time to get changed into your sexiest bordello gear as we’re gonna take a trip down to the Vanilla Unicorn where we’re gonna show dem strippers who the real hottest mamas in town are. Again don’t start the mayhem until we’ve all had a chance to get even more wasted and take some group picks. Once we’ve done that we can block the front door and let rip to our hearts content. Bonus points for shooting the bar girl ;-P
We will then introduce an old favourite…
One player is chosen at random and given five minutes to make for the hills. Its important that the remaining players stay together. When the 5 minutes has elapsed the 29 hunters start the pursuit of their prey and when found kill on sight!!!
It will then be time for the third playlist which will be Scuba’s Crazy Nights Playlist. This will be a mix of crew created content and some outright batshit Crazy – Races, Captures and TDMs.
MissyVee has booked the en-suite function room of the IAA Building for an office party buffet, as we’re all gonna be really peckish by then. Trouble is the Security Staff have refused to let us in through the ground floor entrance, so we’re gonna have to find another way in. It’s probably gonna have to involve shooting out some windows and parachuting our way through the smashed glass. If all else fails we’ll have to stop off for a kebab and go and storm the military base instead, and finish with our final group photo.
At the end of the night we will be launching our glorious leader Backof’s, excellent – Flight For Your Right – capture mission which is designed specifically for 30 people so hopefully we will be able to work together with our teams to do this great but seriously tricky job justice.
It’s important for us all to know whats going on at these events, and we have learned from experience that messaging through PSN has become very unreliable. Therefore we encourage you to use your mic which we should all have as it was bundled with our PS4’s Failing that we have an excellent and fun Pussi Riot Skype text chat room which is usually very active. Failing that your last point of call is your in game phone. However you may not get an immediate response form the party reps as they may be too busy. Important messages will be relayed to all online crew members by Scuba who apologises to all members online on other consoles if this causes any confusion.
If you have any questions in the meantime please feel free to send Scuba a PM on Social Club ;)