Who cares what picture we see? Well i do actually!
Some of you may have not noticed but there are times when I don’t roam the streets of Los Santos kicking ass and shooting faces off (well OK watching others kick ass whilst I cower behind a wall getting blasted by the police) with the rest of the Riot.
Well as I have mentioned before I like to keep my “business life” separate from my social life. One of my main pleasures in life is to visit the cinema to take in a good film. Now as the classiest, most cultured member of the crew (before you disagree look down at your boob tattoos and you will see what I mean!) I am sure it won’t surprise you to learn that I enjoy obscure art house films. As the, ahem, self appointed cultural ambassador of Pussi Riot I have something to share with you all that you may enjoy.
Take a look towards the hills. This city is bathed in movie history and the bug catches most of us here at some point in time. But Vinewood is not just for the big name superstars like Al Di Napoli, oh no, did you know that some of our crew members have also starred in films? Not THAT type of film, although some probably have….
I use my Heist room to store all my classic movie posters. It’s not getting any other use any time soon, what a stupid name for a room anyway! Bit of a giveaway that we are part of the criminal underworld don’t you think? Anyway I am rambling here so let’s get back on topic. I have rooted out some of the posters that our fellow rioters have starred in so let’s have a look shall we?
RANDALL K LAHEY in THE TERMINATOR (1984)
I saw this film when it first came out in 1984. I must admit at the time I wasn’t a fan. I mean it’s not very believable is it that? A robot is an indestructible killing machine. Every few minutes the robot is killing people with ease. It wasn’t until the end of the movie where I got a better understanding of it. It was actually a real life documentary about the everyday life of Randy!
“You call that a knife? THIS is a knife!” Kimberly stars in this Australian themed comedy and I must admit she is the greatest export from Australia since Prisoner Cell Block H. She’s not as tall in the movie as the poster depicts. Because that would just be silly.
CAVANTINE in SCARFACE (1983)
“Say Hello to my little friend.” Cavintine was so proud of her performance in this movie that she still wears the suit she wore in Scarface to this day. Maybe we should say to her”say hello to Ponsebys” and buy her some new outfits.
Yes even the Boss dabbled in the movie business for a few years. After starring in Teen Wolf she got a shave and did this cult classic Backof to the Future. To this day she still hopes to see hover boards on the streets of Los Santos. She also has a Delorean hidden away in her garage but doesn’t like to talk about it much.
BOYBLUE80, IWANCONT & DUTCH BREEZE in GOODGIRLS (1990)
Did you know that BoyBlue, Iwancont and Dutch Breeze are not real gangsters? They are actually undercover internationally acclaimed actresses who are doing a bit of method acting with the crew for the upcoming GoodGirls 2: Gooder than ever. When they claim they are ringing Lester to place a bounty they are actually calling their agent asking how long they have to put up with this nonsense.
This movie poster used to give me nightmares as a child. Just look at it, it’s bad enough that Hurri’s mouth is created by some very outdated CGI, but you also have the Vercetti cousins lurking in the background trying to break in to the house for no discernible reason. You can tell how times have changed with this movie. Back then it was amusing that parents left their child alone in the house whilst they went holidaying abroad. These days it’s an offence. Political correctness gone mad I tell you!
KINDERSURPISE in KINDERGARTEN COP (1990)
Tough cop gets put into a kindergarten to guard a child and it turns out she has a heart of gold. This movie didn’t do very well at the box office. Mainly because the role was originally cast for a burly Austrian muscleman. Instead we ended up with a slim attractive French girl. It somewhat ruined the dynamic of the whole thing. Allegedly when she filmed the movie she demanded that the kids did not talk to her whilst away from the set.
This film is one of my guilty pleasures. It’s not a cultural classic by any means but it’s a good story that we can all relate to. Blonde girl goes to college, studies law and buys a stupidly small dog. That’s basically the gist of it. Blondie went on to achieve instant fame from this movie but it wouldn’t last. These days she reprises the role in stage plays of the film and got the role because the director said she looked like the woman who starred in the film. Little does he know eh?
So that’s your lot for now. I’m sure I will find some more posters in my apartment at some point and when I do I shall make sure to share them with you all. And may I suggest you all get yourselves down to the cinema one day and educate yourselves? We can’t all watch reality TV for ever ladies!