Pimped-out Rides – My beloved Randimobile


 I was holed up in Michael’s garden with a bounty hunter on my tail, when the text came in saying my father was dead…

So the old bastard had finally croaked. I decided to postpone mourning his death indefinitely; I had a plan.  I crept round the side of the house, shot my pursuer through the throat (after first shooting his feet,knees,back and feet again.. I had a lot going on… ok my aim was off) and ran away down the hill as fast as my stubby little legs would carry me.

I knew what it meant and checking my online bank from a nearby cafe, my radar signal stealthed, confirmed it. My wicked father’s fortune was now mine.

That morning my worldy wealth had consisted of whatever change was in my pockets and 600 bucks I’d managed to save to buy some bullets and shopping. The total now read $107,000,600.

Easy come easy go. Who knew how long it would be before the money disappeared, down some crime syndicate’s throat or taken by the tax man to cover the break up of my fathers empire. I immediately bought all the high value assets I could think of; some supercars, a helicopter, even a main battle tank. Why not a fancy city-centre apartment? I plum forgot. But I tell everyone its because I like the country air.

One of the super cars was the Grotti Cheetah, and, now that the money’s gone (the taxman beat the gangsters to it) and the other cars are gone to pay for supplies, it’s remained my almost constant companion ever since. Its not going to win any beauty contests, and it lags a couple of miles per hour behind the Entity and Adder at top speed so not much use on The commute, but I hate commuting anyway. For real, if you need to cover ground quickly and safely the Cheetah can beat a helicopter.


It’ll never step out in the corners unless you tell it to, but it’ll pull a 400 year drift if thats what you ask for. You can knife through traffic at top speed all day long and if someone really gets in the way, the car is so wedgy you can drive under them. I upgraded everything to 100%, slapped some horrid carbon wheels on it and painted the whole thing nightfighter black.

Its a perfect combination of power and control, wild but wide awake. Bounties dont know what hit them. Like I say, it aint pretty, but neither is my assault shotgun; theyre both tools of the job and they get it done quick.

I recently bought it a little sister, which I also adore, but itll never replace old Cheetah-y in my heart.

I leave it unlocked so if you have a tank on your tail and see it parked round the corner and need a fast exit, its there if you need it. Sorry about all the crap and beer cans and shit inside it, the only thing I dont like about the car is cleaning it.

Your friend, Randy.



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