I uhh, started out as a child

scary raxo

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Known to some only as raxo or Grody, my name is actually Aleijdis.

Betcha can’t pronounce that! Anyway, I was born on the outskirts of Amsterdam in 1965 and my life has been pretty boring up until ‘recently’. As a big fan of independent film, I decided to study acting in 1984, in the most beautiful place on earth, Vice City. Why Vice City you ask? Well it was the home of the great Reni Wassulmaier and I wanted to get an internship at his… her… it’s studio. I got it (obviously) but it didn’t quite turn out the way I expected it to. All I got to do was refill the coke supply, which was way better than this other intern’s job (Poor Frankie, I’m pretty kinky, but even I wouldn’t spank Reni!) Anyway the independent film business was cut short after some Mendez guy wanted Reni dead for some reason and besieged the entire studio. Reni escaped in a comet and I took off in a Deluxo. Some other guy tried to take out the goons, but I think he died or something. Anyway, this wasn’t an ordinary Deluxo. As soon as I hit 88 mph I zapped away and found myself in 2013.

Of course you’re wondering why I didn’t just go back and save the day. That was the plan, but this middle aged nostalgia stricken junky idiot Lazlow jacked the car and managed to park it up a tree. Seriously, it’s been almost 30 years and that moron hasn’t changed a bit! So I was stuck. I realised that Vice City was no longer the right place for a young aspiring actress, so I permanently moved to Los Santos.

When I arrived I was shocked to find that the independent film business was now just some hipster’s basement in Mirror Park, so I gave up on my dream. All I had learned so far was how to deal drugs, so that was what I was going to do. I started working for this Madrazo guy, the risk was high, but the pay was good, very good. I wouldn’t have done it if I had known that my late great-uncle, who passed away a few days after my disappearance, had left me money. It was a lot to begin with, but it had been on my savings account for 29 years. Turns out, I have 60 million dollars. I spent most of it on expanding my classic car collection. Which I started off with my Declasse Tornado back in V.C.

lifeinvaderlogocropped

  • Name: Aleijdis van Cuijk
  • Date of birth: December 15 1965
  • Place of birth: Amsterdam
  • Age: 20
  • Relationship status: Single
  • Sex: We’ve only just met!
  • Interests: men and women, (guerilla) gardening, racing, politics, post-modern philosophy, independent film and music
  • Religious views: Screw the Epsilon Program! Oh and reincarnation rules.
  • Political views: Socialist
  • About: What else is there to say… I’ll start from the very beginning, my oldest traceable ancestor is Merovech, the semi-legendary founder of the Merovingian dynasty of the Salian Franks. I have direct ties to Dutch, English, Italian, Holy Roman, Frankish (obviously) and Crusader royalty. And I’m notorious for talking about it for hours on end, which got me the nickname “princess”. I’m a badass princess though 😉

P.S. How does this selfie thing work?

[footnote, I’ll put up some good pictures once I have some and WordPress will finally allow me to upload them]

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