Pussi Porsche Nurburgring Race Riot Press Conference

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With the inaugural Pussi Porsche Nurburgring Riot fast approaching the action has been picking up on the streets of Los Santos as the competitors have been roaring road the streets of Vinewood searching for faster lap times. 

6 teams have been fully confirmed thus far with two more team places still up for grabs. We here at the Pussi Riot blog managed to sit on on a press conference ahead of the race with the 12 confirmed drivers so far and you could feel the tension in the air. 

One driver who certainly didnt look fazed at all was Sam Vercetti of theYellow team. When asked about her chances for victory the odds on favourite said “Well obviously I am the driver with the most experience on the grid but anything can happen at Nurburgring. The first corner will be telling as I am sure many drivers will collide here. Hopefully I wont be there as I will already be away from the pack. Looking to emulate great French racing drivers of the past like Alain Prost and…erm….Olivier Panis I suppose, all eyes will be on Vercetti to perform. 

Vercetti’s team mate Albertini 1980 was in good spirits at the press conference laughing and joking with reporters. “I am Spanish with an Italian sounding name, I was born to be a racer!” she joked. When asked about teaming with Vercetti the pacy Spaniard said ” Some would see it as a challenge, but for me it takes the pressure off and maybe I can surprise a few people watching.” 

Elsewhere there was a media scramble to get some comments from Red Team driver Backof. Being one of the more influential drivers on the grid Backof was afforded the chance by her team principles to hand pick her co driver and surprised everybody when she unveiled the talented yet erratic Catfacecat as the teams second driver. “Cat is….unique, no doubt about it” said Backof “however its a dangerous sport out there on the track and I needed somebody I could trust so Cat was the ideal choice. Cat was then asked for her thoughts on representing the Red Team but was too busy batting around a ball of yarn to comment. 

One team who caused quite the stir in the paddock was the Purple team of Randy and Stardust. They may not be the fastest team but they could very well be the most solid with two ultra professional drivers who tend to stay out of trouble on track. Stardust is the next in line of fine German drivers like the Schumacher Brothers, Sebastian Vettel and Heinz Harald Frentzen and stated that she hopes to join them in the list of all time greats. “I do have to be careful though” she continued, “sometimes if things to go well for me I get bored and start driving around the track wrong way or find fun stunt jumps to attempt.” Randy is an interesting character too as she commented with “I was hoping it would be a GTA race because lets face facts if it was I would murder everybody, quite literally! As it is though I will have to play by the rules which is fine if a little boring for me. Maybe if I win I can smash up the champagne bottle and stab some people with it?” 

The Green Team sat through the conference in a very understated manner. Taghyoult is a well known driver with a firey determination to succeed. When asked about how her team practices had been going she said “yeah they are fine, except for last night when we kept getting attacked by some idiot who used to be a member of this team. I wont name him as he doesnt deserve any press be it good or bad but lets just say he got what he deserved!” On the other side of the Green Team is relative unknown Secret O Secret. Little has been seen of the newcomer but when asked what people should expect from her at Nurburgring she said “its a secret…” 

At the 40 minute mark of the conference Australian driver Kimberley Alloveru entered with a case of Fosters and some shrimps. “G’day mates, I heard there was a burger ring of some sort on the go so I bought some tinnies and shrimps to throw on the barbie.” She got ejected from the building before she could enthrall us with her rendition of Hollywood Nights (classic driving theme) on the didgereedoo but was heard to shout when leaving “Strewth! Ill be back with my own team, just you wait and see, and when I do i’ll ram you all off the road ya flaming gallahs!” 

After the commotion had died down attention turned to the Orange team of Muhmuhhuh and Blondarus, they had attended the press conference with team owner Trevor Phillips. They too were asked about their practice sessions and worryingly Blondarus admitted “its not gone great so far to be fair, My car is stuck in a swimming pool so we are having to share a car right now. It was going fine until I went to break and couldnt press down as there was an empty bottle of Lambrini beneath the break peddle that Muh had left there when she used the car.” Muhmuhhuh continued, Our times are quite slow so far but we have had a lot of issues. I was doing a fast lap yesterday and it was all going well but just as I took the final corner I got a phone call from some absolute dickhead called Ron who was telling me something about a crate and taking back whats ours, whatever that means. So I crashed out. He does my head in, rings me all the time. Grrrrrr I hate him!” Mr Phillips then interjected “look ladies, you had better win, if not you will both be working in Vanilla Unicorn before you know it.” Blondarus responded with “well thats not fair, we both wear glasses! we cant even see the corners! We may come last, but we will look bloody good whilst doing it. “

All that was left was comments from the final team so far, the White team of Dutch Breeze and Krisxo. Another wildcard of a team the Whites caused some commotion in the room when the subject of Vercetti’s speed came up again. Breeze said “she is obviously cheating! She must have NOS installed on the car. I dont even know what NOS is but I read about it somewhere and thats the only explanation.” “We should make her race on a Faggio to even the race up” continued Krisxo. “Or blindfolded or something”. Dutch Breeze ended the chat by saying “also what in the blue hell is a Porsche? It sounds like a made up name for a Comet or something!”

The Press conference was then called to a finish and those in attendance got the chance to get some autographs (or paw prints in Cats case” to take home as a momento of the day. 

With only days to go before the race the clock is ticking, will the final two teams be filled before then? We can only hope so as the more racers there are the better it will be. 


Sam Vercetti 9-4F

Backof 8-1

Stardust 10-1

Taghyoult 10-1

Randy 12-1

Albertini1980 12-1

Krisxo 16-1

Dutch Breeze 16-1

Secrets O Secret 20-1

Catfacecat 25-1

Muhmuhhuh 25-1

Blondarus 33-1 

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