Moan, moan, moan with muhmuhhuh

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Hello everybody.

After having a look at our blog whilst on my mid morning break at Fleeca Bank I noticed that some of my favourite articles on here were the periodical ones. Stuff Like Hurri’s tips and Blondie’s guides to not getting killed in Team Deathmatches.

So I thought I need a piece of that action. But I needed an angle. What can I do well in GTAO? Well tips are already taken and I am admittedly quite rubbish at everything else (unless anyone urgently needs tennis advice…) so what else do I do better than anybody else?

I know…MOAN! 

As you have seen by now I am a rather…particular person. I demand that things be done correctly and in a proper manner, and if that doesn’t happen then people will feel my wrath. If you ever see me jumping out of my car with an RPG it’s because somebody has dented my car by not giving way at an intersection. (more on this in future articles)

So whether it be the people roaming the streets of Los Santos or the world in general its time to listen to me rant! On a weekly basis that is.

So where is best to start with my writings of rage?? Well I don’t even have to think about it too hard….

Ron Bloody Jakowski!

See I used to like Ron. Before I entered the world of GTAO I like many of us played single player (please excuse the changing of world perspectives here!) and I actually liked Ron. He was one of my favourite characters and I felt sorry for him. The scene where he and Trevor are flying gives a nice insight into the hardships of his life (and the fact that it took me a million goes to complete that mission means his life story is burnt into my brain.)

So fast forward a few months and I am new to the streets of Los Santos. Lamar has given me a few jobs and the whole world is my oyster. Armed with a Pistol and a neat cellphone im ready to face the wor…Oh hey my phone is ringing, that’s a cool feature, Ron wants me to help him out. How quaint!

Ok sorry about that interruption I need to go and respr…oh hold on Ron is calling me again….Grrrrrr!

He didn’t grate on me this much straight away. But after a certain few instances he was my sworn enemy….

One day on the mean streets of Los Santos….


“What a horrendous half hour this has been. A tank griefer called Chromeadderlolz has been attacking me none stop! Its Ok though, I have just ran to Ammunation and got me some sticky bombs. I’ll hide around this corner, wait for him to come round, as he no doubt will coz he is a moron, and BOOM! My five strategic sticky bombs of doom will destroy him. Now to just select Chromeadderlolz on my phone to make his dot flash… Oooh here he comes! I best run and hide….”




ron“Hi! It’s Ron From TPI Here! Some assholes are trying to mess with whats ours…”





mmh“Wait Ron, What assholes? Is everything Ok there? I’m kinda busy here…”





ron“Help us out will ya? You know where to look….Please?”





mmh“What do you mean I know where to look? This is the fifth time in the past hour you have asked me to help you, and I don’t know where to look because you have told me NOTHING! What stuff are they messing with? You could at least give me some idea where to go and help you and what it’s about? Do I need to bring back up?? Will I be getting paid? Come to think of it why should I help you? I have never actually met you. You just called me out of the blue one day and demanded stuff from me!”




Trundle….trundle…. BOOOM!












Awesome, thanks for that Ron. Not only have a died…again! I have also wasted 3k on sticky bombs that I am never getting back again. And for what? Some mystery mission that you DON’T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME THE DETAILS ABOUT!

Ok I am calm now, lets walk across this busy road to get to my car….


mmh“Oh my God..what now??”





ron“Have you been collecting those crates I told you about??”






mmh“Oh the ones you told me about 70 levels ago? Those ones? Remember when you first told me about them? Well you didn’t tell me there would be other gang people there shooting my face off did you? A level 20 needs to know stuff like that.  A bit of warning would be nice, you know, some communication? And whats with the ones you send that have loads of smoke but no crates under them? Is this some kind of a joke?” I’m not going all the way over the other side of town to get shot at for $500 and some pistol bullets. Why would I do…”















Oh well that’s just great. I got ran over by a Sentinel as I couldn’t run across the road as answering my phone makes me unable to run for some reason.

Listen Ron, stop calling me. And I mean this 100%. I used to feel sorry for you but now i’m glad Trevor treats you like crap because you know what? You deserve it. Trevor probably used to like you until you started calling him 5 times an hour with your cryptic bullcrap! You know how much I hate you these days? So much that when I go back to Single Player I choose Trevor (Michael has disappeared, that’s another future rant…) and go up to his trailer where you are shooting cans outside (badly I may add!) and just stand there for 20 minutes pressing right on the D-Pad so I can abuse your sorry ass. And you just stand there and take it! What is wrong with you man??

LEAVE ME ALONE! Stop messing with whats mine, ie. my sanity!

And relax….. I am glad I have got that off my chest. I need to go out and take me anger out at the shooting range, or on some prostitutes, whatever comes first….

Next week…more moaning!


4 thoughts on “Moan, moan, moan with muhmuhhuh

  1. I love a good moan meself, the twat who really grinds my gears is that Simeon. Every bloody time I wake up in my pad he texts me “can you get me one of these cars?” and proceeds to list off a load of names of cars I’ve never heard of. Why don’t you ask me to find you a Ford Cortina, Simeon? or even a Daewoo Matiz. There’s no info about the cars you mention on the GTAO internet which is about as useful as Sky Open! Look Simean I’ve just woken up I’ve not even had my glass of green shit yet, I’m expecting an important text from cousin Sammy about a round of Golf – stop spamming me you turd!
    Maybe we could turn moaning into a team event a – “TMM” I certainly prefer it to Death Matches!

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