Well hello again.
Glad you all made it back in one piece to hear me moan once again. This time I have gone for the most obvious moan in GTAO. I am sure you will all nod in a sage manner as I say this week the thing that earns my diatribe is the ever loveable Los Santos cops…
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not your common criminal, far from it, and I know the Police officers of Los Santos have one hell of a tough job. I hear that at any one time up to 16 mass murderers roam the streets of our fine city armed with RPGs and Assault Rifles. I have even heard of people assaulting civilians with golf clubs of all things! Not to mention the quite staggering amount of cars that get stolen around here on a daily basis. Oh speaking of which pardon me a moment. Simeon has just texted me…
I dont know why he has started texting me in French all of a sudden, hes quite strange like that, but I digress… Let me take you back to an incident that happened to me only this morning which has lead to me ranting this week.
Allow me to set the scene, I am in my lovely new Ruiner that I managed to pick up cheaply as somebody had just left it on the streets of Los Santos. It was practically a gift! It needed tidying up but I had a bit of spare cash after hitting my monthly bonus in Fleeca. I had a much deserved day off so decided to go and get it painted at Los Santos customs. Originally I wanted to paint it Matte Lime Green but the man in the shop said I must win a “sea race” first whatever that means. I can only assume he was drunk or high on “crack” or whatever you youngsters use these days. But anyway I settled for a rather lovely midnight purple and hot pink which I was allowed after making 25 turbo starts (again…no idea…)
Rather dashing I am sure you will agree. Anyway let me fully explain what happened next…. I am driving down the road coming back from the customs shops.
“Ahhh, nice new car and a day off work, what shall I do today? Maybe I should go to Ponsenboys and buy a nice new hat? I’m not going back to that shop on the beach front that sells those masks. Last mask I bought from there made my hair fall out when I removed it. Maybe I should go visit the Vercetti’s…
Ooooh Hollywood Nights is on the radio, ill turn that up!
This does indeed ro….what the….”
“That police officer has just ran right into me! Maybe we should swap insurance details, assuming he is not too busy, I mean he did seem in a rush. Wait he has put his lights on…”
“Oh he wants me to pull over. OK I will do, maybe he wants to ask me about the criminal who he is so obviously intent on finding to the point where he has just rammed me car.
*Gets out the car*
What seems to be the problem officer? Beautiful day isn’t it?”
Listen im sure there is some kind of misunderstanding here. I am more than happy to come down to the station with you to discuss this over a nice cup of tea and a sticky bun…besides shouldn’t you be more concerned about that tank blowing up buildings less than two blocks away? Your comrades just seem to be running their cars into him.”
Oh you leave me no choice!”
“Oh dear, I had best make my escape..wait a minute, where did that police helicopter appear from? It wasnt there 2 seconds ago! And how is it shooting at me so accurately???
AND STOP TRYING TO IMPOUND MY CAR!”
Obviously I escaped after a 10 minute chase otherwise I wouldn’t be here to tell you this tale. I just ran back to Los Santos Customs and changed my spoiler and they couldn’t find me for some reason. No reason crime is so prevalent on our streets with their lack of brains and shoot first ask questions later policy. One thing I will say for them, they are on the scene quickly. A little too quickly mind! I mean last week a person called the cops on me for just daring to stand next to them whilst they drank coffee!
The cops in Los Santos really do ruin all the fun at the worst of times. I understand they have to be there and are just doing their jobs but for gods sake be a bit more reasonable! And stop trying to ruin our crew parties and filming sessions sticking your nose in on all our fun.
Rant over! But to just signify how bad I think our cops are these days…
Seriously! Just look at the state of them. Imbeciles…