A Racer’s Perspective X: Off-Road

Off-roading is one of the best ways to have a race in GTA V.  Obstacles such as bumps/jumps/trees/rivers/guardrails/wildlife highlights just how crazy and diverse GTA can be.  And this class is arguably the most diverse class in GTA, having both the largest and smallest land-based-vehicles in the game.  I tried to think of how to open up this review, and the first thing that came to my mind was Mad Max, and then tell them that the new Mad Max is going to be here like tomorrow and then show them the epic new trailer!

But I actually already did that when I reviewed the sports car class, so I have to think up something else (before I move on, I wanted to remind you all that the new Mad Max has some bad ass ladies up in there who are not your typical “oh save me, I need a man to save me!” so be ready for some female rioting).  So instead, I thought I would open up with a movie that is about as close to the reality of Off-Road racing as you will find in GTA: From Dust to Glory.  This is a documentary of the Baja 1000, and is filmed in such a way that the drivers/riders are broken up into classes.  This race is sanctioned by privateers who break just about every law in an attempt to conquer the 1000 mile race.  Check out a clip below from the movie.  At 4:30 the drama for “Mouse” boils over as he eats shit, breaks his finger, some ribs, and separates his shoulder and has to gather his bike up and finish the last sixty miles at over 100mph WITH NO HEADLIGHT IN THE PITCH BLACK DARKNESS OF NIGHT WTF Balls for real.  You have got to see this film if you like anything off-road related.  The soundtrack is horrible, but it is definitely worth the watch and it is free on Netflix.  That is about as close to GTA as I think I can muster, so without further ado, lets have a look at the off-road class.

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A Racer’s Perspective IX: Sedans

Sedans. 

While this might not be the most exciting class in terms of speed, that is not to say that it is not an exciting class to have races in!  Some of my most memorable close calls and comebacks happen in this class.  It is also where I think my other vehicle (shameless self ego narcissistic plug) would fit, my 4-door E36 BMW (posted below on the left).  A 4-door vehicle that I drive everyday because my son will not fit in the backseat of my Nissan (on the right).  This is really the spirit of the Sedan class, cars you drive to work, mostly cars that will get you from point A to point B, and maybe a few cars that can get moving quickly (but ultimately maintain civility in everyday life when you have to drop your brat kids off at school).  Let’s have a look…

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A Racer’s Perspective VIII: Motorcycles

 Bikes.  I admit I know very little about motorcycles.  I got into enough trouble growing up when it came to my car stuff, so when it came to bikes, I sort of swore them off assuming that I would kill myself in some crazy epic crash.  Things I do know: most are two-stroke engines, choppers are loud, dirt bikes are bouncy, Vespas are weird and foreign to me but people love them, Twitch got his name because he has turrets (a name he did not approve of at first), Valentino Rossi is a boss, and you don’t know anything about motorcycle racing if you don’t know about the Isle of Man.  Watch the first thirty seconds of the video below and remind yourself that this is taking place on a public road, complete with trees and fences and wildlife.

It is actually quite close to what you might experience on GTA, except that when you die, you…don’t really come back.  That being said, the riding in GTA is quite the experience. This class yields some of the fastest land-based vehicles in the game, and also some of the most death-defying (or death impending).  Big thanks to freezingkellykel for the awesome snap.  Now let’s get started…

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A Racer’s Perspective VII: Sports Classics

Sports Classics: this class covers a wide range of different kinds of cars.  Everything from the uber expensive exotic classics, to the classic low riding hoopties, 70s cruisers, and even a car that became notorious by way of its affiliation with some 1920s American gangsters.  All of these cars are trouble makers in some way, shape, or form, whether it is sheer speed and evading the police, to noise violations, to drive by shootings, to driving a little under the speed limit with questionable “fumes” escaping the shoddy insulation.  Why do you keep getting in trouble with the law?

I see.  You want it.  You want it bad.  You want to be able to handle the curves and listen to it scream so all of your neighbors can hear it and know that she is responding to what you are doing to her.  You want to be the reason everyone on the street is envious of you, because you have her.  Am I right?  Of course I am, so let’s take a look…

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A Racer’s Perspective VI: Coupes

San Andreas

Coupes. The four-door class (which would make them sedans, in my opinion, but whatever). COUPES. I have two. Since I only have two Coupes, I suppose I will make this quick and start with the final verdict. But I don’t think I will be changing my mind on my vehicles unless supplied with other information (in which case, hit me up, I am all about speed).

Cholla Springs Ave

Final Verdict

As part of the Ill-Gotten Gains part one DLC, we find the Enus Windsor, complete with new vinyl wrap. You can customize the vinyl sort of, as there are several patterns to chose from, and then like other cars, you can pic and choose your primary and secondary colors to match the pattern. I chose the somewhat camo’d vinyl (when I look more closely at the pattern, there appears to be a person or a monkey in the pattern? Look real closely at the lower half of the front quarter panel right before the door) and matched it to take my custom Green/Yellow Oregon Duck styled pattern (as you can see below).

Zancudo River

Boss.

This car is heavily influenced by Rolls Royce (note the radiator/hood ornament deal). I am not sure if this is a Wraith or a Ghost, but it does act like a Rolls, large, powerful, sounds wonderful, but is also comfortable and easy to drive, despite being a large car. It doesn’t feel like a large car, but the handling does suffer as a product of all of that weight. Acceleration is great, and top speed is clearly the best in class at 118 mph. The car screams style and luxury, so if you are cruising around town and want to look a little different, and still be able to keep up with some cars in the coupe class, this might be a great option for you.

Bolingbroke Penitentiary

The only other Coupe in my garages at this point is the Ubermacht Zion (in green above). I actually didn’t have this vehicle until I was told, nay, ordered by fellow Riot members to purchase this vehicle. Before we get into performance, Ubermacht must be the GTA version of the BMW badge, because this version of Ubermacht looks a lot like the newer M6, with some different headlight/taillight patterns that scream “German Engineering”. With the exception of top speed (the crown of which is taken by the Windsor) at 115 mph, its not horrible compared to the Windsor in that realm, and I would argue this is the best all-around vehicle for the class. Period. There are definitely other cars worth having in this class, but if I had to choose ONE (outside of all-out, top-end speed), THIS would be the one.

Bolingbroke Penitentiary

This pretty much rounds out my first garage. Supers and Coupes. Stay tuned, there is more to come.