Bringing GTA based serialised comedy to their very own website soon…
This log is dedicated to keeping track of what’s accomplished on our official Minecraft server on a daily basis. Wondering what the nether a GTA crew is doing on a Minecraft server? Give Molly’s introduction a read. If this log inspires you to join in on the fun, send me, Grody, a quick message on the Social Club and I’ll sort you out. For your convenience the most recent entry is at the top.
What has always bugged me about this game, apart from the bugs and lack of actual bugs, is that it never truly lived up to it’s potential as a proper street racing game. Rockstar has tried to bring theirs, Midnight Club, into the world of GTA, but it just didn’t turn out the way it should have. That however doesn’t mean we can’t create our own racing game!
I grew up playing Need for Speed, starting with ‘Porsche 2000’ back in, well 2000 obviously and all the way up to Need For Speed: Undercover in 2008 and later switched over to Midnight Club LA. My personal favourite has always been Need For Speed: Carbon. The thing that made Carbon stand out was that it cut up the city into different territories where a crew with a certain vehicle type reigned supreme (e.g. a muscle car crew in the industrial areas). You could gain and lose territory by beating or losing to the other crews around the city. I’d like to bring that dynamic to our new monthly racing event, so I too have cut up the city into different areas.
(Click for larger zoomable map)
Each colour represents a vehicle type used to race in that territory exclusively. Every territory has a local racing champion crew. Each month the territory and title of local champion has to be defended. To do that, the champion has to create a playlist with 4 races at least one week before the start of the event and win the playlist. The requirements for the races are down below. If the territory is successfully defended, the champion has to do defend their territory again the next month and may choose to create new races or use the old ones. If someone else wins, the territory and titles of local champion are theirs and they´ll have to defend their new found fame next month, but unlike successful defenders, have to create new races.
Racers are allowed to form racing crews with fellow Rioters, but are restricted to a maximum of 3 members. If a crew wins, they win collectively, meaning that all of it’s members may create the races for the next month. The final score of a crew is the final scores of it’s members divided by the number of members. This is so that crews don’t have an unfair advantage over single player racers.
If a player who has become a champion wins another playlist, the player in second place will become the champion.
For a race to be eligible:
You can sign up by filling out the contact form below. Normally I wouldn’t ask you to sign-up, but community effort is needed to run this monthly event, so please only sign-up if you are willing to create and partake in races. If you are ever absent, you may ask someone to take your place, just make sure you send me, Grody, a PM on the SC.
We need provisional local champions, so for the first race day you may sign up as one of the four local champs. It’s first come first serve, so don’t wait too long. A date for the first instalment of the monthly Need For Speed: Los Santos will be picked when every class has a champion.
The champions are:
Now the first thing you do when your about to set off on your holidays is to make sure you’ve packed everything you need in your suitcase. So make sure you have your passport, sun tan lotion, and shades with ya. You’re also gonna need to make sure you have the right outfit for the right occasion. Obviously you’re gonna need that skimpy bikini to show off the bod you’ve been working on down at the gym since New Years. But this is a Pussi Riot vacation so you’re gonna be taking part in all kinds of activities that the tour rep has put on. So make sure to pack a sturdy pair of walking boots and a rain coat, as the last thing you need is to get caught in a thunder storm with just your heels!
We’ll then all meet up at LS International Airport where we will take to the skies in order to embark on our journey to the first mystery exotic destination. I say mystery coz not even the pilot knows where we’re going yet….But I’m sure it will all be fine.
Once we’ve had plenty of opportunity to sun ourselves, take a dip in the sea and take in some of the sights we’ll start the first playlist. Which this month has been specially selected by our tour guide (coz its a budget package deal) So don’t go blaming Scuba if the races are too hard or if there’s not enough death matches coz she didn’t get to chose the activities ok! ;-P
For many of us the highlight of the recent DLC was the introduction of the Pegassi Osiris. Finally a car in GTA that is as beautiful as it is fast. It’s also a very sturdy and versatile car that can cope easily with most conditions.
Now the most prominent feature on this admittedly over priced super car is its gull wing doors. But apart from been a swish way to get in and out of your car these doors serve no other purpose
………………………………………..OR DO THEY??
I’ve devised a little free roam party game which involves climbing to the top of Ratton Canyon to the bridge where you jump off at the end of the Pacific Standard Heist finale.
You will then need to phone for your Osiris. Don’t worry if you haven’t got one as we need passengers to be able to pull this trick off.
We will then take it in turns in pairs to hurtle at top speed off the cliff’s edge and then at the optimum moment both driver and passenger will exit the Osiris and parachute to safety. The car should then glide for some time before coming to a stop.
The winner will be the pair who manage to get the Osiris to fly the furthest.
We haven’t stormed the military base at the end of a party for quite some time now. So lets do just that! It should be especially fun now that many of have Hydra’s, Valkyries and Savages. We could also try air lifting Rhino’s and Insurgents with Cargo Bobs.
This isn’t strictly part of the tour operators list of planned activities. But I’m sure Bobcat will have killed the tour guide before we even take off in the first place, so who gives a fuck what they want us to do and in which order?
We are Pussi Riot, so we don’t need no jumped up lil nazi to tell us what we can do or when we can do it.
All this sound good to you? Well just make sure your online this Saturday night where your hosts – Raging Red, Laquered Duck, and Scuba_Christ will make this a holiday to remember 😉
“The first duty of a revolutionary is to be educated.”
― Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara
(Here’s some music to set the mood)
It’s early March 2019. The United States’ debt crisis continues to spiral out of control. The country now has 21 trillion dollars in debt and the government is once again about to go bankrupt. The usual giant wads of foreign cash are no longer an option, as the world has come to realize that the ‘land of opportunity’ is nothing more than an old giant clinging to the cliffs with it’s last finger.
With bankruptcy imminent and a civil war peeking around the corner, China who owns a 7.2% cut of the debt pie, has offered a way out. The Chinese government is willing to settle the debt in exchange for the annexation of United States soil. San Andreas to be exact. With the country’s best interests at heart, the government accepts the offer.
A Sino-American provisional government is appointed to make the annexation of San Andreas go as smoothly as possible. However the people of San Andreas will not stand for it. A period of social uprising starts. Riots and protests are at the order of the day. The provisional governments response becomes increasingly violent. What started out with propaganda and a few arrests here and there has become the disappearance of entire families, torture, prosecutions without trial, executions and deadly force against protesters.
“The revolution is not an apple that falls when ripe. You have to make it fall.”
― Che Guevara
Something has to be done. The social injustice that has it’s roots deep within the greed of a corrupt people must be stopped. Team one, a group of rebels from South Los Santos, has organized itself into ‘The Movement Of May The Second’ sets out to do just that. It’s mission to unite the people and spark a revolution.
Our beloved supreme Sino-American government has started rationing food. Imagine that, rationing food in America! Are the Chinese really that crazy for junk food? Small futile attempts at raiding soup kitchens are at the order of the day. One of the most popular ones is located in West Vinewood, across a building site. A crowd of hungry desperate people is becoming more and more rowdy and Merryweather has been dispatched. As for the rest of this story, you know the drill.
Immigrants are being blamed for the problems within Los Santos (Ignoring the governors of the city are immigrants, hypocrites!) the easiest way to solve this is to deport some of our more “colourful” friends.
Rebel team: Prevent the deportation. Drop the soon to be refugees off at your workplace at the docks for now. No one will look for them there.
Merryweather: Deport the immigrants. Pick them up and bring them to the docks where a ship is waiting for them.
Objective: Pick up and deliver your armed vehicle to your base before the other does. The mission doesn’t involve fighting and is essentially a race.
Story: Word has spread of your efforts fighting injustice in southern L.S. and small group of rebels in Vespucci Beach led by former arms trafficker Oscar Guzman wants to join forces with you. There is just one problem however. Merryweather has become aware of the location of Guzman’s rebel base and is about to deploy a squad of heavily armed Merryweather mercenaries to make them all mysteriously disappear in preliminary detention. Move Guzman’s equipment, firearms, grenades and four Rebel pick-up trucks, one of which with mounted machine gun to your base (which is your workplace. Your boss has fled the country, so he won’t mind) as quickly as possible.
With Guzman’s support we can start thinking bigger. The media just covers up our small attacks as unfortunate accidents on Merryweather’s part. If we strike them hard, if we put them to shame, they’ll no longer be able to ignores us. Hasta la victoria siempre!
Story: Listen up shit heels! Provisional government chairman Tiankai is not pleased with our performance. There are riots all over our beautiful Even Farther East city and Mr Weston wants action. He’s sourced us more Insurgents LPV’s, one of which with a mounted machine gun, and some extra heavy firepower with a steady supply of ‘rubber bullets’. Don’t give me that look soldier! I’m sure there’s a few molecules of rubber on those commie stoppers. Now move it ladies! I want to hear those cunts whistling in the wind! Get the trucks and report back to base!
Objective: Take the heavy weapons from the checkpoint and defeat the other team.
Story: One of Guzman’s intelligence operatives has heard of a great opportunity that will put The Movement on the map and show the people of San Andreas that there’s still hope for change. A new checkpoint has opened on the La Puerta freeway, conveniently located in between two parking garages. The Merryweather team in charge of the checkpoint is heavily armed, but also fresh out of the academy. If we take position on top of both garages we can easily pin them down and move in to steal their weapon supplies. East team: Take cover and use the Technical to distract Merryweather. West team: While Merryweather distracted, use grenades to blow up the Insurgent pick-up. Three grenades ought to do the trick.
Story: TEEEEEEN HUT! Alright you soup sandwiches, listen up! Tiankai has ordered a new checkpoint be opened on the La Puerta freeway and the government needs a team of degenerates to operate it, you! Check every vehicle going through. If thing get heated for some reason, and I don’t mean any licky-licky action you sickos, there’s an extra armed insurgent at your disposal and a large supply of firearms. MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!
Objective: Deliver/steal the M-02-05 supplies and bring it to your (new) base
Story: Our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. Our warehouse has simply become too small. Over the past few weeks more and more rebels joined our cause and the place is full of guns and vehicles. We need a new base of operations asap! With this much going on at a small warehouse, Merryweather is sure to catch onto us any day now. Luckily Guzman has a cunning plan. It’s a high risk mission, so it’s on a need to know basis only and the only thing you need to know is that you have to move all of our supplies to the Merryweather base to the rest of here. Guzman’s guys will take care of the rest.
Story: Ops to Pacific Allied Shipyard team… Ops to Pacific Allied Shipyard team… Pacific Allied Shipyard team respond… damn those guys. Ops to Merryweather patrol. One of our surveillance drones has picked up terrorist activity on Elysian Island west of our base. Suspects are heavily armed. Move in to intercept. When suspects are elimin… apprehended, move terrorist equipment to Pacific Allied Shipyard team and investigate possible communications malfunction.
Objective: Ambush and steal the Valkyrie from the IAA heist team.
Story: I love Guzman’s intelligence op. He has managed to tap into Merryweather’s ‘secure’ com channel and picked up on their red alert. Apparently the Humane Labs has been raided by a team of four people in a Valkyrie attack chopper. We could really use one for the revolution. They were last seen at the Land Act Reservoir. Better get there quick. And be careful, Merryweather has a real lady boner for this one.
Story: CODE RED! ALL SOUP SANDWICHES REPORT TO THE DEPLOYMENT BAY! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Security at Humane Labs has been breached. Helicopter squadron has been downed by a team of four suspects in a recently stolen Valkyrie. Suspects were last reported attempting to land at the Land Act Reservoir. Deadly force is permitted. Bring back the Valkyrie and any stolen objects and information.
Merryweather: Drive the recording down to city hall.
Rebels: Intercept the recording and take it to its own base.
Story: This just in over the Merryweather channel. Tiankai is about to send a big speech over the airwaves on all frequencies that could severely damage the people’s trust in the oncoming revolution. We need to stop that recording from reaching City Hall. Grab a Sanchez and take the recording to Guzman’s troops, who have positioned themselves at the abandoned Maibatsu factory. We will coordinate the future war effort from there.
Story: OKAY SHIT HEELS, LISTEN UP! Tiankai fears a full scale revolution may be imminent. As a response he has pre-recorded a speech for the masses. Deliver the recording to city hall. Hopefully it will have the same effect as it had when Juan Carlos I of Spain stopped a coup by appearing on TV.
The people have been called upon. They have taken to the streets. The revolution is here! Today history will be written. The world will see who controls San Andreas!
Merryweather has found out about M-02-05’s base at the Maibatsu factory. If the rebels are to succeed in their efforts, they will have to defeat the Merryweather team assigned to taking them down.
Thanks to Guzman’s cunning, Merryweather still thinks the base at the Pacific Allied Shipyard is still under Merryweather control. Most of M-02-05’s equipment is located there and is needed for the final siege against Merryweather and the provisional government. The rebels couldn’t get Merryweather of their tail in time and will have to fight for it.
The rebels are taking the fight to Merryweather… literally! Quickly disabling the main Merryweather base is vital if the rebels are to take control of San Andreas. On the other hand if Merryweather can stop M-02-05 here the revolution will be no more than a small uprising at the docks.
(NOTE: NOT A CAPTURE. MEANT TO BE PLAYED AS A TEAM DEATHMATCH)
The big push. This is what M-02-05 has been working for and what the government and Merryweather have worked so hard for to prevent. Whoever wins this battle will have control over all of San Andreas, but can they keep control over it? That is up to how well the teams did in the precious chapters. Good luck!