Due to a shortage of police officers *whistles in innocence*, the newly elected mayor of Los Santos has announced a policy requiring the police department to accept all willing recruits, effectively abolishing fitness requirements, educational levels, and medical standards.
I use the term “willing” loosely. As you know you’ve been getting into a lot of trouble since you first arrived in Los Santos. It’s taken over a year and a few thousand good police officers, but they finally took you down. Captain Mahoney, once a do badder himself, has given you two options, jail time or joining the Police Academy.
You of course choose the Police Academy. You’ll fit right in, I mean you respawn constantly and the cops of L.S. are as expendable and douchey as they get.
In the next 14 weeks/minutes you will be trained at the Police Academy located at the University of San Andreas, Los Santos (ULSA) Courses will include PE, shooting and advanced driving in decommissioned police cars (Staniers)
Move it, move it, move it!! Get your shapely behind to the starting grid cadet! I don’t care if you’re in line to register!, you’re starting NOW! 1 lap around the campus! GO GO GO!
You’re an L.S. resident so this should be a no brainer, just like you. Race your car to the obstacle course and finish it as fast as you can. The last one to finish has to get coffee and doughnuts.
Taco Terry’s Vaquero Feeder, a local taco company, and commandant Tackleberry have organized a promotional paintball event at the academy. Last (wo)man standing wins a whopping $100,000 and a personal parking space conveniently located just 15 miles away from campus. As always you’re late for class and you never even took the time to read the memo. When you finally arrive, unaware of the situation, there’s just 15 people left and half the school got destroyed. There’s paintball guns laying around everywhere and in the distance you hear someone shout: “GROOOOOOOOOODY!”. The good cop you are, you move in to investigate and come across some place called “Fort Grody” and even more paintball guns. Suddenly paintballs are flying over your head, nearly hitting you. Hiding from this trigger happy moron you see a leaflet on the ground. Paintball day? You finally know what going on and you realize what to do. Win the game and donate the money to the school so they can repair this nuthouse.
It’s the last day of school and it’s time to put your new skills to the test. How you’ve made it this far is a mystery to me, but you did it. In order to graduate you have to take a Stanier around town through tight corners and alleyways. Last one to finish gets assigned desk duty, so don’t expect your classmates to play nice.
You’ve (more or less) successfully completed your training and you’ve been assigned to the two shittiest precincts in town. It’s your job to clean the mean streets and turn the precinct around… or not.
In this city full of gangsters, starlets and other degenerates, it’s hard not to succumb to the almighty dollar. It won’t be long before one precinct goes corrupt (Vespucci) while the other maintains it’s good ethics (Mission Row). Which method will prevail in the end… is up to you.
The best way to earn the trust of the people is to pull them over for driving 1mph too fast/slow, beating them half to death for actually talking back to you and impounding their car. The captain has assigned partners and you’ve just received orders to go on traffic duty. The area is notorious for it’s drug runners and their over the top Scarface-like montages, so be careful opening those car doors, the precinct doesn’t have a handgun budget you know.
Those two drug runners you busted on traffic duty turned out to be quite useful… after you took them out into the alley and knocked their brains out that is. It’s probably best to keep that one out of the books. It turns out they work for the Cortez Cartel, a Vice City based operation run by (Colonel) Juan Cortez. You’d better take them down before the Vice Squad does, otherwise this whole thing will become nothing but a synthesizer-laden cop drama with lots of fast cars and bikinis. Make your way to their HQ and book Cortez.
Those two drug runners you busted on traffic duty might turn out to be quite useful. We’ve bugged their car and let them go because of a ‘lack of evidence’. For the greater good we’re just going to pretend we didn’t find the mountain of blow and cheap machine guns in the trunk of their Coquette. It’s not long until we overhear them talking about a deal they’re going to make with a Korean crime syndicate in Los Santos’ industrial area. Get over there and book them.
Mission Row dispatch has just received a report about stolen police-issue carbine rifles. With the recent involvement of the Cortez Cartel in Los Santos, it is likely that they are involved somehow. Word on the street is, several cops were seen talking with members of the cartel. Could this have been an inside job? Are there cops working with the cartel?
A Mission Row patrol has followed on of the cartel members back to their hideout, a large mansion on North Sheldon Avenue. A quick peek over the fence reveals a lot of police issue carbine rifles being unloaded and Cortez talking to a few cops!
Every cop in the precinct has been dispatched. It’s time to take down Cortez and those corrupt cops. Be careful though, they’re not too friendly. Officer Bine tried her asking for a cup of sugar approach and didn’t live to drink the tea. Gather all the evidence before the Cartel takes back the evidence you already managed to sneak out.
You’ve overheard a police dispatch on the chatter. They’re going to take down the Cortez and what’s even worse, they’re coming after you as well. Protect all incriminating evidence on the residence and take whatever evidence they no doubt already have on you, out of their cars.
Cortez has been arrested and is now facing 287 life sentences and five hours of community service in a local retirement home. Despite his age, Cortez detests old people. He will no doubt attempt to escape soon.
Cortez’ right hand man, who goes by the name of “Tommie” has contacted you. You’re meeting him in a dark poorly lit garage wearing fedoras, sunglasses and trench coats. You “pricks” have been offered five million dollars to get him out of his community service. You’ll have to break him out tonight though. His community service is tomorrow!
A Vespucci cop has given himself in and has offered to tell you everything if you’ll have the DA drop the charges on him. At this point all that matters is getting the rest of the cartel and those corrupt cops.
Apparently the Vespucci precinct is in with the cartel and they’re about to break out Cortez! Take the chopper to Bolingbroke Prison and safeguard the keys.
The Mission Row cops we’re too late. Cortez and the Vespucci cops have just left Bolingbroke. Chase them back to wherever they’re going and settle this once and for all!
This is it. The final showdown. Colonel Cortez is currently holed up at the Vespucci Precinct after fleeing from the prison under their protection. The Mission Row team has to make their way over to the Vespucci Precinct, eliminate those who are a threat, and capture Cortez back.
Here is a members who failed the latest pot check, some of these are on their 3rd strike:
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January what’s special about January? Traditionally absolutely nothing. With Christmas and New Year out of the way, the first thirty one days are generally cold, dark and boring.
So to wave goodbye to this most tedious of periods, we at Pussi Riot HQ have come up with an awesome party agenda that will quite literally blow those blues away!
FIRST PERSON PERSPECTIVE
Perhaps the biggest change from Last Gen to Current Gen GTA V was the introduction of the First Person mode as it gave us all the opportunity to view the glorious newly polished streets of Los Santos in a completely different way. By now most of you will have dipped your toes a little into this perspective and probably found it a lot harder to live with than doing things in third person view which will have resulted in the majority (including myself) jumping back to third person as we feel more comfortable.
The aim this month is to take you all out of your comfort zone and give you the opportunity for one night only to try and do things differently by playing GTA in an alternative way!
We normally run 3 or 4 playlists at our monthly meeting with 5 or 6 jobs per list which take about 40 to 50 minutes to complete. However as we will be running these lists with the perspective locked to First Person we have decided to make 8 to 10 shorter lists to give you a break to recover from all the mayhem before launching the next one. This should reduce the risk of us all getting motion sickness which would just ruin all the fun. Another thing to note is that the playlists will have a variety of jobs in each of them rather than have separate Race/TDM/Capture/Stunting themes.
In recent weeks we have seen a lot of new members joining our ranks and we have been very lucky as amongst them have been some genuinely creative content creators. So you can all look forward to trying out some of their creations which cover all aspects of custom jobs which I can assure you will be lots of fun.
One player is chosen at random and given five minutes to make for the hills. Its important that the remaining players stay together. When 5 minutes has elapsed the 29 hunters start the pursuit of their prey and when found kill on sight!!!
STORM THE PRISON
The new regular monthly party fave end of night activity (with a twist) This month we would like you all to get dressed in orange clothes to replicate the convict look so as we can take the opportunity once inside to get some really cool looking group Snapmatic pics.
Calling all aspiring young actresses and actores! Roles are now being cast for “Grease!” A pussi riot production, sponsored by pißwasser, because beer is just as healthy as singing and dancing…
Hey everyone! Just before Christmas eltax and I had a joke. We said we should make a movie using the xbox one game dvr. At first we were joking and laughing but then we got serious and spoke about the endless amounts of movies we could make. Then after a lot of laughs eltax came up with grease. We talked and decided that this was the best for us to begin with. Why you ask? Well because like gta it is in LA/LS, we can use the university, we have the cars and we have the clothes.
Don’t worry if you don’t like talking because you won’t need to do any voice acting. We will record the videos and play the movie over it. All you need is your pretty little self. We only have two rules really.
1. You must be on xbox one or 360, it’s better if you’re on one because we can all film and it will look better but if you’re on 360 eltax has kindly offered to film you
2. Have fun. Me and eltax laughed so hard just talking about it and we agreed that this should be fun so if at any point it becomes a pain we will put it on hiatus.
Now to be honest grease isn’t my favourite movie but this will be fun so if you haven’t seen it I strongly suggest that you do.
Like I said earlier it should be fun so we decided that it’ll be more fun if we add a ‘pussi riot twist’ if you get cast as a guy you can go and make a secondary character to play as OR you could try and make your character look like a guy, as in golf bitch by scuba…
It’s entirely up to you 🙂
Every role is available and we still have to sort out some details but please take this opportunity to sign up because like the saying goes “the early bird catches the worm” so we won’t be casting on talent since no one needs to actually speak, we just need to record your characters actions and mouth moving, so those that sign up early will get the better roles.
Do you want to sign up? Do it below, just tick the boxes that apply to you 🙂
Also I found this video today, just… what is this? Look at it:
Third times a charm, lets play some golf…
So I tried setting up a golf tournament way back in August last year but not enough people signed up. The other night I was playing golf with Silver Sonic and defryc on the 360 and we had a great time so I’ve decided to try this one last time.
I got my replacement xbox one today which was a lot easier than I was worried about. Anyway I’m not sure if I’m going to make this on xbox one or 360 or both. If more 360 plyers sign up it will be on 360 and vice versa with the xbox one. If enough sign up for both I’ll make it on both 🙂
So obviously you al know how to play golf, what’s that? You don’t?
Well it’s simple you have a golf club and the aim is to hit the ball into the hole using as little shots as possible. Don’t worry if you aren’t very good neither am I, why just the other night I missed a spectacular hole in one by just nine shots, a new record!
Anyway if enough people sign up I will run this on one or both consoles but that just depends.