Bringing GTA based serialised comedy to their very own website soon…
This log is dedicated to keeping track of what’s accomplished on our official Minecraft server on a daily basis. Wondering what the nether a GTA crew is doing on a Minecraft server? Give Molly’s introduction a read. If this log inspires you to join in on the fun, send me, Grody, a quick message on the Social Club and I’ll sort you out. For your convenience the most recent entry is at the top.
30-08-2015
29-08-2015
28-08-2015
27-08-2015
26-08-2015
25-08-2015
24-08-2015
23-08-2015
22-08-2015
21-08-2015
20-08-2015
19-08-2015
18-08-2015
17-08-2015
16-08-2015
15-08-2015
14-08-2015
13-08-2015
12-08-2015
11-08-2015
10-08-2015
Join the gang on PSN – Pussi Riot PSN and here… Pussi Riot PSN official blog
“The first duty of a revolutionary is to be educated.”
― Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara
(Here’s some music to set the mood)
It’s early March 2019. The United States’ debt crisis continues to spiral out of control. The country now has 21 trillion dollars in debt and the government is once again about to go bankrupt. The usual giant wads of foreign cash are no longer an option, as the world has come to realize that the ‘land of opportunity’ is nothing more than an old giant clinging to the cliffs with it’s last finger.
With bankruptcy imminent and a civil war peeking around the corner, China who owns a 7.2% cut of the debt pie, has offered a way out. The Chinese government is willing to settle the debt in exchange for the annexation of United States soil. San Andreas to be exact. With the country’s best interests at heart, the government accepts the offer.
A Sino-American provisional government is appointed to make the annexation of San Andreas go as smoothly as possible. However the people of San Andreas will not stand for it. A period of social uprising starts. Riots and protests are at the order of the day. The provisional governments response becomes increasingly violent. What started out with propaganda and a few arrests here and there has become the disappearance of entire families, torture, prosecutions without trial, executions and deadly force against protesters.
“The revolution is not an apple that falls when ripe. You have to make it fall.”
― Che Guevara
Something has to be done. The social injustice that has it’s roots deep within the greed of a corrupt people must be stopped. Team one, a group of rebels from South Los Santos, has organized itself into ‘The Movement Of May The Second’ sets out to do just that. It’s mission to unite the people and spark a revolution.
Our beloved supreme Sino-American government has started rationing food. Imagine that, rationing food in America! Are the Chinese really that crazy for junk food? Small futile attempts at raiding soup kitchens are at the order of the day. One of the most popular ones is located in West Vinewood, across a building site. A crowd of hungry desperate people is becoming more and more rowdy and Merryweather has been dispatched. As for the rest of this story, you know the drill.
Immigrants are being blamed for the problems within Los Santos (Ignoring the governors of the city are immigrants, hypocrites!) the easiest way to solve this is to deport some of our more “colourful” friends.
Rebel team: Prevent the deportation. Drop the soon to be refugees off at your workplace at the docks for now. No one will look for them there.
Merryweather: Deport the immigrants. Pick them up and bring them to the docks where a ship is waiting for them.
Objective: Pick up and deliver your armed vehicle to your base before the other does. The mission doesn’t involve fighting and is essentially a race.
Story: Word has spread of your efforts fighting injustice in southern L.S. and small group of rebels in Vespucci Beach led by former arms trafficker Oscar Guzman wants to join forces with you. There is just one problem however. Merryweather has become aware of the location of Guzman’s rebel base and is about to deploy a squad of heavily armed Merryweather mercenaries to make them all mysteriously disappear in preliminary detention. Move Guzman’s equipment, firearms, grenades and four Rebel pick-up trucks, one of which with mounted machine gun to your base (which is your workplace. Your boss has fled the country, so he won’t mind) as quickly as possible.
With Guzman’s support we can start thinking bigger. The media just covers up our small attacks as unfortunate accidents on Merryweather’s part. If we strike them hard, if we put them to shame, they’ll no longer be able to ignores us. Hasta la victoria siempre!
Gains:
Story: Listen up shit heels! Provisional government chairman Tiankai is not pleased with our performance. There are riots all over our beautiful Even Farther East city and Mr Weston wants action. He’s sourced us more Insurgents LPV’s, one of which with a mounted machine gun, and some extra heavy firepower with a steady supply of ‘rubber bullets’. Don’t give me that look soldier! I’m sure there’s a few molecules of rubber on those commie stoppers. Now move it ladies! I want to hear those cunts whistling in the wind! Get the trucks and report back to base!
Gains:
Objective: Take the heavy weapons from the checkpoint and defeat the other team.
Story: One of Guzman’s intelligence operatives has heard of a great opportunity that will put The Movement on the map and show the people of San Andreas that there’s still hope for change. A new checkpoint has opened on the La Puerta freeway, conveniently located in between two parking garages. The Merryweather team in charge of the checkpoint is heavily armed, but also fresh out of the academy. If we take position on top of both garages we can easily pin them down and move in to steal their weapon supplies. East team: Take cover and use the Technical to distract Merryweather. West team: While Merryweather distracted, use grenades to blow up the Insurgent pick-up. Three grenades ought to do the trick.
Gains:
Story: TEEEEEEN HUT! Alright you soup sandwiches, listen up! Tiankai has ordered a new checkpoint be opened on the La Puerta freeway and the government needs a team of degenerates to operate it, you! Check every vehicle going through. If thing get heated for some reason, and I don’t mean any licky-licky action you sickos, there’s an extra armed insurgent at your disposal and a large supply of firearms. MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!
Gains:
Objective: Deliver/steal the M-02-05 supplies and bring it to your (new) base
Story: Our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. Our warehouse has simply become too small. Over the past few weeks more and more rebels joined our cause and the place is full of guns and vehicles. We need a new base of operations asap! With this much going on at a small warehouse, Merryweather is sure to catch onto us any day now. Luckily Guzman has a cunning plan. It’s a high risk mission, so it’s on a need to know basis only and the only thing you need to know is that you have to move all of our supplies to the Merryweather base to the rest of here. Guzman’s guys will take care of the rest.
Gains:
Story: Ops to Pacific Allied Shipyard team… Ops to Pacific Allied Shipyard team… Pacific Allied Shipyard team respond… damn those guys. Ops to Merryweather patrol. One of our surveillance drones has picked up terrorist activity on Elysian Island west of our base. Suspects are heavily armed. Move in to intercept. When suspects are elimin… apprehended, move terrorist equipment to Pacific Allied Shipyard team and investigate possible communications malfunction.
Gains:
Objective: Ambush and steal the Valkyrie from the IAA heist team.
Story: I love Guzman’s intelligence op. He has managed to tap into Merryweather’s ‘secure’ com channel and picked up on their red alert. Apparently the Humane Labs has been raided by a team of four people in a Valkyrie attack chopper. We could really use one for the revolution. They were last seen at the Land Act Reservoir. Better get there quick. And be careful, Merryweather has a real lady boner for this one.
Gains:
Story: CODE RED! ALL SOUP SANDWICHES REPORT TO THE DEPLOYMENT BAY! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Security at Humane Labs has been breached. Helicopter squadron has been downed by a team of four suspects in a recently stolen Valkyrie. Suspects were last reported attempting to land at the Land Act Reservoir. Deadly force is permitted. Bring back the Valkyrie and any stolen objects and information.
Gains:
Objective:
Merryweather: Drive the recording down to city hall.
Rebels: Intercept the recording and take it to its own base.
Story: This just in over the Merryweather channel. Tiankai is about to send a big speech over the airwaves on all frequencies that could severely damage the people’s trust in the oncoming revolution. We need to stop that recording from reaching City Hall. Grab a Sanchez and take the recording to Guzman’s troops, who have positioned themselves at the abandoned Maibatsu factory. We will coordinate the future war effort from there.
Story: OKAY SHIT HEELS, LISTEN UP! Tiankai fears a full scale revolution may be imminent. As a response he has pre-recorded a speech for the masses. Deliver the recording to city hall. Hopefully it will have the same effect as it had when Juan Carlos I of Spain stopped a coup by appearing on TV.
The people have been called upon. They have taken to the streets. The revolution is here! Today history will be written. The world will see who controls San Andreas!
Merryweather has found out about M-02-05’s base at the Maibatsu factory. If the rebels are to succeed in their efforts, they will have to defeat the Merryweather team assigned to taking them down.
Thanks to Guzman’s cunning, Merryweather still thinks the base at the Pacific Allied Shipyard is still under Merryweather control. Most of M-02-05’s equipment is located there and is needed for the final siege against Merryweather and the provisional government. The rebels couldn’t get Merryweather of their tail in time and will have to fight for it.
The rebels are taking the fight to Merryweather… literally! Quickly disabling the main Merryweather base is vital if the rebels are to take control of San Andreas. On the other hand if Merryweather can stop M-02-05 here the revolution will be no more than a small uprising at the docks.
(NOTE: NOT A CAPTURE. MEANT TO BE PLAYED AS A TEAM DEATHMATCH)
The big push. This is what M-02-05 has been working for and what the government and Merryweather have worked so hard for to prevent. Whoever wins this battle will have control over all of San Andreas, but can they keep control over it? That is up to how well the teams did in the precious chapters. Good luck!
Join the gang on PSN – Pussi Riot PSN and here… Pussi Riot PSN official blog
This month we’ll be warping space and time, traveling through decades to wherever we’re needed most, much like in that old 1938 Vice City radio program “The Time Ranger”. Though our method of time travel will be slightly different due to the absence of personal penile time travel apparatuses, so instead we’ll do our traveling a la Quantum Leap. At the party we’ll make our way to the quantum leap accelerator and leap into the past, which gives you the role of someone from that time. The only way to leap to the next place and person is to right a mistake that person made in the past, thus changing history.
A film noire-esque playlist taking place during the final years of prohibition in Los Santos. The Los Santos Crime Family and The City Hall Gang go to war over the bootlegging rackets in the state. Only one faction will take the prize.
Join the gang on PSN – Pussi Riot PSN and here… Pussi Riot PSN official blog
Due to a shortage of police officers *whistles in innocence*, the newly elected mayor of Los Santos has announced a policy requiring the police department to accept all willing recruits, effectively abolishing fitness requirements, educational levels, and medical standards.
I use the term “willing” loosely. As you know you’ve been getting into a lot of trouble since you first arrived in Los Santos. It’s taken over a year and a few thousand good police officers, but they finally took you down. Captain Mahoney, once a do badder himself, has given you two options, jail time or joining the Police Academy.
You of course choose the Police Academy. You’ll fit right in, I mean you respawn constantly and the cops of L.S. are as expendable and douchey as they get.
In the next 14 weeks/minutes you will be trained at the Police Academy located at the University of San Andreas, Los Santos (ULSA) Courses will include PE, shooting and advanced driving in decommissioned police cars (Staniers)
Move it, move it, move it!! Get your shapely behind to the starting grid cadet! I don’t care if you’re in line to register!, you’re starting NOW! 1 lap around the campus! GO GO GO!
You’re an L.S. resident so this should be a no brainer, just like you. Race your car to the obstacle course and finish it as fast as you can. The last one to finish has to get coffee and doughnuts.
Taco Terry’s Vaquero Feeder, a local taco company, and commandant Tackleberry have organized a promotional paintball event at the academy. Last (wo)man standing wins a whopping $100,000 and a personal parking space conveniently located just 15 miles away from campus. As always you’re late for class and you never even took the time to read the memo. When you finally arrive, unaware of the situation, there’s just 15 people left and half the school got destroyed. There’s paintball guns laying around everywhere and in the distance you hear someone shout: “GROOOOOOOOOODY!”. The good cop you are, you move in to investigate and come across some place called “Fort Grody” and even more paintball guns. Suddenly paintballs are flying over your head, nearly hitting you. Hiding from this trigger happy moron you see a leaflet on the ground. Paintball day? You finally know what going on and you realize what to do. Win the game and donate the money to the school so they can repair this nuthouse.
It’s the last day of school and it’s time to put your new skills to the test. How you’ve made it this far is a mystery to me, but you did it. In order to graduate you have to take a Stanier around town through tight corners and alleyways. Last one to finish gets assigned desk duty, so don’t expect your classmates to play nice.
You’ve (more or less) successfully completed your training and you’ve been assigned to the two shittiest precincts in town. It’s your job to clean the mean streets and turn the precinct around… or not.
In this city full of gangsters, starlets and other degenerates, it’s hard not to succumb to the almighty dollar. It won’t be long before one precinct goes corrupt (Vespucci) while the other maintains it’s good ethics (Mission Row). Which method will prevail in the end… is up to you.
The best way to earn the trust of the people is to pull them over for driving 1mph too fast/slow, beating them half to death for actually talking back to you and impounding their car. The captain has assigned partners and you’ve just received orders to go on traffic duty. The area is notorious for it’s drug runners and their over the top Scarface-like montages, so be careful opening those car doors, the precinct doesn’t have a handgun budget you know.
VESPUCCI:
Those two drug runners you busted on traffic duty turned out to be quite useful… after you took them out into the alley and knocked their brains out that is. It’s probably best to keep that one out of the books. It turns out they work for the Cortez Cartel, a Vice City based operation run by (Colonel) Juan Cortez. You’d better take them down before the Vice Squad does, otherwise this whole thing will become nothing but a synthesizer-laden cop drama with lots of fast cars and bikinis. Make your way to their HQ and book Cortez.
MISSION ROW:
Those two drug runners you busted on traffic duty might turn out to be quite useful. We’ve bugged their car and let them go because of a ‘lack of evidence’. For the greater good we’re just going to pretend we didn’t find the mountain of blow and cheap machine guns in the trunk of their Coquette. It’s not long until we overhear them talking about a deal they’re going to make with a Korean crime syndicate in Los Santos’ industrial area. Get over there and book them.
Mission Row dispatch has just received a report about stolen police-issue carbine rifles. With the recent involvement of the Cortez Cartel in Los Santos, it is likely that they are involved somehow. Word on the street is, several cops were seen talking with members of the cartel. Could this have been an inside job? Are there cops working with the cartel?
A Mission Row patrol has followed on of the cartel members back to their hideout, a large mansion on North Sheldon Avenue. A quick peek over the fence reveals a lot of police issue carbine rifles being unloaded and Cortez talking to a few cops!
MISSION ROW:
Every cop in the precinct has been dispatched. It’s time to take down Cortez and those corrupt cops. Be careful though, they’re not too friendly. Officer Bine tried her asking for a cup of sugar approach and didn’t live to drink the tea. Gather all the evidence before the Cartel takes back the evidence you already managed to sneak out.
VESPUCCI:
You’ve overheard a police dispatch on the chatter. They’re going to take down the Cortez and what’s even worse, they’re coming after you as well. Protect all incriminating evidence on the residence and take whatever evidence they no doubt already have on you, out of their cars.
Cortez has been arrested and is now facing 287 life sentences and five hours of community service in a local retirement home. Despite his age, Cortez detests old people. He will no doubt attempt to escape soon.
VESPUCCI:
Cortez’ right hand man, who goes by the name of “Tommie” has contacted you. You’re meeting him in a dark poorly lit garage wearing fedoras, sunglasses and trench coats. You “pricks” have been offered five million dollars to get him out of his community service. You’ll have to break him out tonight though. His community service is tomorrow!
MISSION ROW:
A Vespucci cop has given himself in and has offered to tell you everything if you’ll have the DA drop the charges on him. At this point all that matters is getting the rest of the cartel and those corrupt cops.
Apparently the Vespucci precinct is in with the cartel and they’re about to break out Cortez! Take the chopper to Bolingbroke Prison and safeguard the keys.
The Mission Row cops we’re too late. Cortez and the Vespucci cops have just left Bolingbroke. Chase them back to wherever they’re going and settle this once and for all!
This is it. The final showdown. Colonel Cortez is currently holed up at the Vespucci Precinct after fleeing from the prison under their protection. The Mission Row team has to make their way over to the Vespucci Precinct, eliminate those who are a threat, and capture Cortez back.
(Hey put a little music on will ya)
By now you can probably tell what plot we’re going with. In light of all the classic movies getting unnecessary sequels, we’re doing the long overdue Police Academy 8!
Okay first off, PS4ers don’t fret! We’ve moved the date of the PS3 party to be the day after yours. We thought it wouldn’t be fair if you gals didn’t have a proper party this month *wink wink* The date and time of the party are Saturday the 31st at 21:00 GMT.
Over the next few weeks we’ll keep you informed on plot development. It is of great importance that you read those posts, as each job’s plot won’t be included in the in-game job descriptions.
Due to a shortage of police officers *whistles in innocence*, the newly elected mayor of Los Santos has announced a policy requiring the police department to accept all willing recruits, effectively abolishing fitness requirements, educational levels, and medical standards.
In the next 14 weeks/minutes you will be trained at the Police Academy located at the University of San Andreas, Los Santos (ULSA) Courses will include PE, shooting and advanced driving in decommissioned police cars (Staniers)
When your training is complete, you will be split into two groups and assigned to two run-down precincts, one on Mission Row and one in Vespucci.
In this city full of gangsters, starlets and other degenerates, it’s hard not to succumb to the almighty dollar. It won’t be long before one precinct goes corrupt (Vespucci) while the other maintains it’s good ethics (Mission Row). Which method will prevail in the end… is up to you.
Join the gang on PSN – Pussi Riot PSN and here… Pussi Riot PSN official blog